The Importance of Conversation: Talking to Loved Ones with Speech Difficulties

One of the first things that my grandpa lost was his ability to articulate words. As his disease progressed, conversation became more and more difficult. However, as that time was passing, I wanted to talk with him more than ever.

Having conversations with our elders is something priceless that is oftentimes not cherished enough. There is so much they can offer us, no matter the age difference. My grandpa had countless stories, and each time I would speak with him I would learn something new. He was also overflowing with anecdotal lessons, and his experiences in the world often helped guide me through my life.

It was closer to the end when I realized how much conversation I had let slip away. To this day, I feel as though I let my time with my grandpa slip away, and I always wish I had spent more time with him. I let myself become intimidated by his lack of communication skills, and allowed that feeling of being uncomfortable to become an excuse for speaking less. I was young, so I can’t blame myself too much, but looking back on my life, that is one of my greatest regrets.

Having conversations with the elderly is incredibly important for all of us. Talking with older people, or people with speech difficulties, can teach us patience. I know personally that as it became more difficult for my grandpa to speak, it took a lot more strength out of me to listen and commit to a conversation. It can be very beneficial to practice patience and slow down for a little while. Further, senior citizens often have stories that need to be shared! Their lives were different from ours, and the disparities in experiences often can oftentimes be linked to present issues through common themes. There is so much to learn from those who lived before us, and it’s so important to work a little harder to hear it.

But talking with our elders is not only beneficial to us, it’s also important for them. For someone like my grandpa, staying engaged in conversation kept him young and mentally agile. For people who are at risk of falling into periods of senility, talking to them during their lucid periods can keep them mentally stronger. Further, many elderly people unfortunately live alone and lack company. It can be very comforting and joyful for them to speak to someone, especially a loved relative, to provide some company, even over the phone.

As I said before, I often felt intimidated by my grandpa’s slurred, sometimes hard-to-understand speech, and I didn't know how to talk to him, especially towards the end. A major part of NeuroResilience’s mission is providing the resources that I didn’t have, so I am going to share some tips with all of you about the best ways to have a conversation with someone that is having difficulty speaking.

1. Understanding is key. Losing basic functions like speech is extremely frustrating and usually very emotional for the affected person. When talking to them, avoid using condescending language or words that may make them feel talked down to. While they might have more limited functions, it is still very important we give them the same respect. For my grandpa, his speech difficulties became his biggest insecurity. Keeping that in mind, it’s really important that we work our hardest to make those struggling feel comfortable.

2. Actively listen. Active listening can mean many things, maintaining eye contact, giving verbal signals of comprehension, or even simply nodding along to what someone is saying. This is to show you are hearing and understanding what is being said.

3. Pay attention to body language. This goes for both you and your loved one. Smiling and showing positive non-verbal cues can show your understanding of the conversation. On the other hand, how your loved one is acting is an acute look into how they are feeling. You might notice them smiling and gesturing as they speak, which is a good sign to keep the conversation going. However, you may notice signs of frustration, like grimacing or fidgeting, that could cue you to end the conversation and try again later.

4. Have patience. It is easy to get frustrated with a person who is not as capable as they always were. It’s hard to hold a conversation when both parties are not understood, and irritation is a natural response. During these situations, you have to give your loved one, and yourself, some slack. Give them some time to process what you are saying, and try to avoid condescending language. Squabbles over comprehension or speech issues are not worth it, and learning about the skills to avoid them will be beneficial in the end.

These are some basic skills that can be implemented into any conversation with someone struggling. To this day, I wish I knew more about my grandpa’s condition, so that I could empathize with what he was going through more. I most certainly regret the conversations I missed out on, and hope to share tools to benefit all of you.